Writings by Barri Cae Mallin

Keep looking up!

Tuesday 08 June 2004 - 15:04:18

Five years ago, I was informed by my employer that I would be relocated to Kansas City. Kansas City is a lovely city, but I had lived in Nashville for four years, and loved everything about it, as well as Tennessee. Kansas City was my hometown and I feared going there, as I feared facing my Jewish unsaved family members, some of which adhered to Orthodox Judaism. It was 'easy' for me to be a believer in other places, but to actually go home frightened me. Only the LORD knew of my fear and concern.

During relocation, during my planned vacation, I broke my foot during worship at a Messianic conference that I attend yearly. Not only did I break the foot; I literally crushed it and sprained an ankle. The break did not heal and surgery was necessary. My life totally had turned upside-down. Where I was an active on-the-go traveling sales rep/worship dance lover etc, I suddenly became confined to a bed. My foot had to be above my heart; swelling prevented healing. Bedsores developed. My only time out was scheduled doctor visits. My mom graciously did my grocery-shopping, brought me my mail and drove me to the doctor. I was able to do my job from the bed (major miracle). But I literally remained in a horizontal position from August to early November, waiting on God. Waiting on God.

Words will never be able to express my soul's desolation. Day by day, week by week. Waiting on God.
To look back brought grief.
To look down reminded me of pain.
To look out reminded me of that which I could not do.
To look up was my only consolation.

To look up renewed my faith in the Only One Who could heal and help. To look up reminded me of Yeshua Jesus' resurrection . To look up was safe.
I could not fall up.
There was no danger in looking up.
I only made progress when I looked up.

Eventually, God changed me in my desolation.
He brought me to a place where I did not want to miss one lesson that He had for me during this time. I wanted to pass His 'test' on the bed, and if the doctor sent me back to the bed for two weeks, then I was to rejoice, and expectantly look to see what God had for me.
That was the place of blessing.
Horizontal, on the bed, looking up.

Weeks later, slowly I made improvement.
But the foot did not heal correctly and a second surgery was necessary on December 12. Eight more weeks of horizontal living were required.

Finally, in mid-February (seven months after breaking the foot), my doctor gave me the green light to walk. In March, I could slow jog. In mid April, I entered the Sanctuary 5k race and although I ran slower than ever, the LORD allowed me to win first place in my age group. And if that was not enough, I went over to the high school to 'lope' a bit more, and someone had written on the track Jesus is Alive!

This occurred five years ago and it is God's hand of restoration that allowed me to be mobile. He allowed me to learn Hebrew while on the bed, and prompted me to get Bat Mitzvahed (way after age 12!). Many of my unsaved family members attended. What the devil meant for bad (the injury), the LORD brought forth good.

Even as I write this, I am reminded of one of my dear friends who has ailed with muscular dystrophy for over twenty-five years. She spends much time on her bed, yet her bed is not her prison. She has worked, done calligraphy on wedding invites, authored a family cookbook and earned an associate's college degree. She is an example to me of the verse in Luke 1 v37 Nothing will be impossible with God.

Only when we set our affections above, we will never lack, nor will we ever be disappointed.

Make glad the soul of Thy servant, For to Thee, O Lord, I lift up my soul. Ps. 86:4

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From whence shall my help come?
My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. Ps 121:1-2

Lift up your eyes on high and see who has created these stars,
The One who leads forth their host by number,
He calls them all by name;
Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power
Not one of them is missing. Isa. 40:26

If then you have been raised up with Messiah Yeshua, Jesus Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.
For you have died and your life is hidden with Messiah in God.
When Messiah Yeshua, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Col. 3:1-4

Copyright © Barri Cae Mallin.